As we eliminate the private sector and welfare state,
we will need more government employees.
I have reluctantly decided, as every compliant citizen must and as every other voter already has, that Speaker Boehner is right and that all who refuse to play on his team and instead reject President Obama’s grand plan for a delightfully mediocre America are deluded. Accordingly, I have tried to get into step by thinking as a proper Librul — it’s the way of the future. This article reflects my new Librul approach. All must join Team Boehner now; it’s for the children.
Old ways are bad and unproductive. New statist ways are better.
Manufacturing, agriculture and the free market are as passé as capitalism. They have no glamor, deaden the soul and are just plain foolish. With the happy loss of private manufacturing, agriculture and the free market — indeed of the entire private sector – many jobs may initially be lost. However, an ever expanding Government will replace them with more and better for everyone. That is already happening, but far too slowly: a mere seventy-three percent of all “jobs created” during the last five months were Government jobs.
[A]ccording to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, of the 847,000 new jobs created since June, a full 621,000 were government jobs. In November alone, 35,000 new government jobs were created.
In other words, as the labor participation rate plummets to a thirty year low — which means we have fewer taxpayers — we’re not only increasing the number of taxpayer-funded jobs, but the government is using the creation of these jobs to juice the employment numbers in a way that makes it look as though the job situation is actually improving.
Displacement of the vile private sector by the revered public sector will have many benefits, not the least of which will be to prove the truth of a story about villagers on an otherwise uninhabited tropical island. They all became self sufficient and happy by taking in each others’ laundry. Those unenlightened and uninstructed savages did it and so will the highly enlightened masses in the United States — but even better, in ways mandated by Government.
Training will be needed and unionized teachers will be hired to provide it.
All well trained teachers are already union members and work in the public education system. There, they patiently and skillfully teach the young about our exceptionally perverse national past and glorious modern mediocrity — and in doing so they help to enhance the very mediocrity that they teach. They will continue to do so no less brilliantly than in the recent past.
However, private schools will no longer exist and home schooling will be prohibited. All no longer engaged in such defeatist nonsense will be requited to submit to patriotic indoctrination and then to become union members. They will then be employed by Government to train others who also cease to be employed. President Obama, a brilliant scholar and teacher, will show them the way to reveal the truth.
Imagine a no longer employed factory worker. His skills in stuffing mind boggling quantities of identical components into other identical auto parts each day will have to be refined before he can become a happy and effective Government employee. To become an effective public sector employee, he will need to learn how to stuff mind boggling quantities of (temporarily) non-identical humans into identical Government forms and regulations. The task will be challenging but meeting the challenge will make him happy. He will be paid more fairly than he had been as a lowly private sector factory worker and will work fewer hours as he also achieves commensurate increases in power and prestige. As he grows in his job, he will look forward to being esteemed as highly as a Department of Motor Vehicles employee and — some happy day — even as highly as an Internal Revenue Service employee.
Imagine a marketing executive made redundant because there is no longer a private market in which to sell stuff. As Government absorbs the private sector, he will need training to market public sector goods and services — The Government Way (GoWay). Think soap commercials already appeal to the lowest common denominator? He will have to learn truly exceptional mediocrity in pushing ever increasing numbers of condoms, abortions, green transportation, solar powered toothbrushes and even Government
lie lye soap to ever increasing multitudes of receptive consumers.
Government will be a fairer employer than private slave owners.
Although private sector unions have doubtless done their best to ensure fair treatment and wages for those who labor under the harsh lash of capitalism they have, through no faults of their own, fallen short. That is due to the necessity of dealing with hostile capitalist management. Although unions of private sector employees will vanish, they will be replaced by public sector unions that will negotiate with public officials anxious to win their approval and hence their support. This will be a win – win situation. Workers whom they represent will, of course, get fair treatment and wages. But that is not all: public officials with whom the unions negotiate will be assured of continued employment by simply yielding to reasonable (i.e., all) union demands. There will be no more strikes and no more losses of jobs and productivity because all union demands will be granted without discussion or dissent. Members of the public, themselves all union members, will have no cause for dissatisfaction with the terms so negotiated and will happily vote for the public servants who negotiated them. All will, in addition, be better and more efficiently served — as public employees have consistently demonstrated. No decent person has ever been treated badly by a public employee; as all public employees become unionized, treatment of the public will obviously get better and more efficient.
Welfare costs will be reduced dramatically.
Rabidly conservative extremists (please pardon the redundancies) screech that welfare payments are too high and deplete the national treasury. They are wrong, as Professor John Semmens demonstrates in one of his many scholarly articles.
Data from a Congressional Research Service report reveals that the amount the government spends on welfare per family below the poverty line exceeds the median earned income. The median for earned income in the United States is about $50,000 per year. The amount spent per family on welfare exceeds $60,000 per year. Assuming a 40-hour work week, welfare equates to an after-tax wage of over $30 per hour.
Congressional Democrats used these figures to make the case against prospective cuts to the government’s entitlement spending. “The GOP’s notion that we ought to be pushing people to get jobs is completely refuted by these numbers,” House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) contended. “Any person who can qualify for welfare payments would be harming her family by leaving the shelter of government benefits for the uncertainties of the marketplace.”
Over in the Senate Charles Schumer (D-NY) claimed that “cutting welfare benefits would devastate our economy. As the research shows, families on welfare contribute more spending to stimulate the economy than those who work for a living. Rather than foolishly trying to reduce the number of persons who qualify for welfare as the Republicans want us to do, we ought to be adding to and extending the benefits we bestow on this economically vibrant segment of our society.”
Professor Semmens and the other classical economic scholars upon whom he relies are, obviously, correct — but only assuming the continued existence of a capitalist economic system. However, with the demise of that vile form of slavery and the concomitant explosive growth of the public sector, their analyses will no longer be even relevant and the welfare system will vanish. This should be self-evident, but perhaps a brief explanation may be useful.
Kipling wrote in When the Earth’s Last Picture is Painted (slightly modified to bring it up to date),
When Earth’s last picture is painted and the tubes are twisted and dried,
When the oldest demons have faded, and the youngest TeaBagger has died,
We shall rest, and, faith, we shall need it — lie down for an aeon or two,
Till the Master of All Good Libruls shall put us to work anew.
And those who complied shall be happy; they shall sit on unicorn horns;
They shall write at public laptops and dream of Tinkerbell porn.
They shall find real saints to draw from — Marx and Castro and Kim;
They shall work for hours at a sitting and never be fired of it all!
And only Obama shall praise them, and only Obama shall blame;
And no one shall work for riches, and no one shall work for fame,
But each for the joy of the serving, and each for his wages fair,
Shall do all things as directed by the Master of Things as They are!
With the elimination of the wicked private sector and the establishment of an all encompassing public sector, these miracles will come to pass well before the Earth’s last picture is painted. They will begin to happen as soon as more workers are employed by the benign Government than by the predatory private sector. Through governmental diligence and persistence, that tipping point is already at hand. As it is reached, vast multitudes of wage slaves will abandon their whip wielding masters and migrate to the public sector to be retrained and given noble public employment. As these glorious events come to pass, the time will be indeed short for the entire morass of the private sector to fall and to be replaced entirely by the fair, just and efficient public sector.
Then, all good workers will be so happy and so fairly rewarded that no one will have any reason or desire to be on welfare. Since birth control and abortion will be paid for, encouraged and in many cases required by the Government, women will no longer be enslaved because mere men will no longer control their ovaries. Suitable public sector employment will also be made available even for the most grossly disabled, physically and mentally, because — in a free society such as ours must become – everyone must have complete freedom to work as the Government directs and to prosper accordingly. We will gladly do away with such archaic concepts as competence, intelligence and industriousness to achieve true equality of result.
Be of good cheer! We have but a little further to go. Yes We Can and No We Won’t Wait!