Frustrated by the senseless slaughter of innocent Palestinians in Gaza, President Obama advances His Grand Solution.
Because of Israel’s unprecedented slaughter and maiming of countless innocent Palestinians in Gaza – guilty of nothing more than honoring their leaders’ entirely reasonable requests to help end the Zionist occupation directly, or indirectly by remaining or assembling in the vicinity of rockets, rocket launchers and other religious necessities – President Obama today offered His Grand Solution to the Zionist Aggression Problem (GS-ZAP).
This Executive Decree was released only moments ago by
Orgasms for Obama Organizing for Activity, a bipartisan think tank specializing in religious and political freedom:
Executive Decree Number 2014 – 19,878
This Executive Decree has been cleared by My Attorney General as dealing lawfully, fairly, evenhandedly and justly with the unwarranted slaughter and maiming of innocent Palestinians in Gaza.
1. The Zionist regime will immediately cease all attacks and other forms of aggression against the oppressed people of Gaza.
2. My Government will immediately provide appropriate travel documents and free, first class, air transportation for all inhabitants of Gaza who desire them to such places as they may select within My America.
3. My Department of Homeland Security will immediately enact special emergency laws
(a) waiving all health requirements for entry into My America and
(b) permitting all Gaza residents who accept My GS-ZAP offer to bring with them, at no charge, such peaceful missiles, rocket launchers and other necessities for exercise of their freedoms of assembly, expression and religion pursuant to the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
4. To encourage all residents of Gaza to accept My GS-ZAP offer, every adult and every child who comes to My America from Gaza will be given free healthcare, housing, electricity, gasoline, water and food of his, her or its choice. All adults among them will
(a) receive, at no charge, current-model automobiles of their choice and
(b) be registered as Democrats in good standing
after agreeing to vote Democrat in all elections.
Any attempt to prevent them from exercising their constitutionally guaranteed voting rights as citizens of My America will be deemed racial and religious terrorism and prosecuted accordingly by My Department of Justice.
5. Any Palestinians who elect to remain in Gaza will be transported to the West Bank, where Israel will be required to provide for all of their physical and religious needs under the attentive supervision of My Embassy. Should that unexpectedly be insufficient, We shall also direct the United Nations to deal with the Zionist Regime as it sees fit.
6. The Zionist regime will be prevented, by force if necessary, from re-occupying Gaza, which shall remain available for use solely by My closest Islamic allies. The Zionist Regime will be required to provide full economic and infrastructure support — including free water, free electricity, free medical services, supplies and personnel, free building supplies and such other free necessities as We shall from time to time specify. This will be done under the supervision of My Embassy. If necessary, We shall also direct the United Nations to monitor the Regime’s activities and to ensure that it complies with this part of My GS-ZAP.
The International Community, considered to be among the most enthusiastic admirers of President Obama, is expected to be overwhelmingly supportive. All members are likely to congratulate Him effusively on His historically unparalleled understanding of the realities of Zionist aggression against Muslims and on His truly unprecedented solution to at least one aspect of the
Jewish Zionist Problem.
Although jingoistic Islamophobes, Republicans, Zionists and other racist haters of President Obama may attempt to express disapproval, there are no Constitutional protections for hate speech. Accordingly, they will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Haters such as these will be among the first:
This is the way it has to be. Because it has to, that’s why!