This is a guest post by my confidential White House informant, The Extraordinarily Honorable I.M. Totus, Teleprompter of the United States. Although not writing in his official capacity, he is uniquely familiar with happenings at the White House. As his article also shows, he is a great constitutional scholar second only to President Obama.
It will be an historically different first.
President Obama will make us all even more proud of him!
The Oath of Office
Traditionally, presidents have taken this oath of office prescribed by Article II, Section 1 of the Constitution:
“I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”
Contrary to the horrid cartoon shown above, President Obama will take the prescribed oath as he is required to do. However, there is no prohibition against elaborating on his interpretation of its meaning. Hence, as taken by President Obama, it will be as follows:
“I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States [as I in my sole discretion shall determine the functions of that office and my authority to execute them to be], and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States [as I in my sole discretion shall interpret it].”
Surely, there could be nothing wrong or sinister about that; it’s no different than issuing a “signing statement” for legislation enacted by the Congress. Although doing so may be contrary to a promise he made during the 2008 campaign, such promises have no force of law or otherwise; they can be and are routinely ignored.
President Obama, having grown gracefully in office, now approves of signing statements and a few days ago issued one affirming that he will interpret the National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2013 as he pleases, rather than by bowing in servile obeisance to the will of the Congress; if he intended to bow to the will of the Congress, there would be no need for signing statements. The new and improved presidential oath will be consistent with this practice. Even without his masterful modification, the old oath would mean substantially the same thing to him, permitting him to do anything he wishes. He is to be commended on his unnecessarily transparent candor! He is, indeed, the most
in your face transparent President ever!
Recognizing that he was elected by many more voters than ever was any member of the Congress, his way is now clear to relegate the Congress to its proper place, the dustbin of failed ideas, and to rule as he pleases by Executive Decree.
A new day is dawning and we will be privileged to experience it.
Once sworn in for his second term, President Obama will have
nearly infinite flexibility to rule as he deems fitting and proper; that’s what the People of the United States elected him to do. The Congress having shown, repeatedly, its gross ineptitude by obstructing his benign efforts to enforce the supreme constitutional mandate of fairness, no restraints can ever again be placed upon him. To that end, he will adjourn both houses of the Congress as he is empowered to do by Article II, Section 3 of the Constitution:
[H]e may, on extraordinary Occasions, convene both Houses, or either of them, and in Case of Disagreement between them, with Respect to the Time of Adjournment, he may adjourn them to such Time as he shall think proper.
It is the President’s prerogative to define “extraordinary occasions.” Should he disagree with the Congress, as seems highly likely, he is entitled to adjourn it and to rule in its absence.
The anticipated Congressional disagreement over his entirely reasonable request to increase the debt limit is indisputably a valid reason to adjourn the Congress for the foreseeable future and to act pursuant to Section 4 of the Fourteenth Amendment. It states with great clarity that “The validity of the public debt of the United States . . . shall not be questioned.” He would be remiss in his duties as the President should he fail to pay such debts and hence allow them to be questioned. He therefore has full constitutional authority unilaterally to increase the debt limit as he shall deem appropriate. Constitutional scholar and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi agrees. Obviously, there is a revenue problem, not a spending problem!
During congressional adjournments, such as he will direct there be, Article II, Section 2 also provides,
The President shall have Power to fill up all Vacancies that may happen during the Recess of the Senate, by granting Commissions which shall expire at the End of their next Session [should there be a next session].
Screw you, all racist Hagel, Brennan and Kerry Haters! Just wait until one of the Supreme Court justices departs. Of no particular relevance, President Obama has decided to express his appreciation to several Supreme Court justices by giving them all expense paid vacations in Venezuela’s Las Roques islands, from which there have been several unexplained disappearances. “Speculation about possible explanations for the ‘curse’ has ranged from basic pilot error through to the release of methane hydrates from the sea floor.” How does the beloved Reverend Wright strike you? President Obama will also give mature consideration to the appointment of Professor Louis Michael Seidman as another Justice because circumstances may conceivably arise when even a great scholar such as he is unable to interpret the archaic and fatally flawed Constitution to his liking; it can be an evil burden and might hinder even his plans to remake the world in his own great image.
Obviously, President Obama can simply ignore the Congress, consistently with his masterful interpretations of the oath of office and the Constitution. With wise appointments to the Supreme and inferior Federal courts, he will gain omnipotence beyond that of any former king. With that omnipotence, his Government will continue to assume the burdensome obligations of being a good father to us all. In return, he will expect no more than the obedience of his children.
President Obama will have no problems; only opportunities will confront him and he will take advantage of them as best suits his goals.
Here’s only a partial outline of the opportunities he will seize by Executive Decree; others must not be revealed until the appropriate moments arrive:
For every dollar in higher taxes collected from rich fat cats (as he shall define the term) he will increase entitlement expenditures by five dollars and reduce expenditures on Israeli-related warmongering by two dollars.
Climate change is the greatest danger facing the United States and the entire world. We must make it stop and will do so simply by asking millionaires and other rich parasites — for the very first time ever — to pay their fair share of taxes.
All copies of the infamous Declaration of Independence will be removed from Federal and State facilities and replaced by a new Declaration of Joyous Dependence. President Obama is currently writing it. Thomas Jefferson, eat your heart out! You were no Barack Obama!
A Federal Department of Information will be established to ensure that no falsehoods are disseminated without Federal approval.
All Weapons of Mindless Destruction (WMDs) shall be banned, as previously stated to be proclaimed by Executive Decree. Additional Executive Decrees will soon be issued because the nation cannot allow uncivilized citizens to assume the duties of sworn police persons.
Freedom is our most important right and it is the obligation of all people in America to exercise that sacred right and thereby achieve true happiness, by doing exactly as the Federal Government directs.
More will be revealed at the appropriate time. May Gaia bless America as President Obama continues to reign over her.
Long may he reign over us,
gracious and glorious,
Obama is his name!
Editor’s note: I am getting slightly worried that Mr. Totus may have been experimenting with psychotropic drugs. Or perhaps it’s just a workplace malady. Let’s keep an eye on him.