Bill of Rights Amended by Executive Decree

Editor’s note: This is a guest post by the Very Honorable Ima Librul, Senator from the great State of Confusion Utopia. He  was privileged to be the first person of consequence to announce necessary changes to the Bill of Rights enacted by President Obama and we are honored to have a post of this caliber by a quintessential Librul such as the Senator. He is a charter member of President Obama’s Go For It Team, a senior member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and Chairman of the Meretricious Relations Subcommittee. He is also justly proud of his expertise in the care and breeding of green unicorns, for which his Save the Unicorns Foundation has received substantial Federal grants. Without further delay, here is the good Senator’s article:


I just returned from a meeting with President by Grace of Gaia Obama and other very important members of Congress. He wisely announced that, due to anticipated civil unrest discovered on July Fourth by our Intelligence Community, it has become necessary to exercise His constitutional authority as our President to amend the antiquated, absurdly racist and otherwise bad Bill of Rights which takes insufficient account of the legitimate needs of His Government and of His people. As He stated, His amendments have already become effective and shall stand in perpetuity unless perversely rejected by vote of the residents of three-fourths of His States as revealed by the votes of their respective legislatures.

Here are the amendments, with the deleted language shown by strike through and the new language in bold face type.

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of any Christian or Jewish religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof any non-Jewish, Non-Christian religion or abridging the freedom of approved speech, or of the legitimate press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government of the United States for a redress of grievances through pleas in all known Spanish and Arabic English languages, appropriately filed with the Office of the President.

Amendment II

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right privilege of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed changed only by Executive Decree.

Amendment III

No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law Executive Decree.

Amendment IV

The No right privilege of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized except pursuant to Executive Decree.

Amendment V

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury issued by the Attorney General of the United States except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same identical offence pursuant to the identical statute and identical legal theory to be twice more than thrice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any Congressional proceeding or criminal case to be a witness against himself or against any member of the Executive Branch of Government, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation an administration determination of cause.

Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the Federal Region State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously be ascertained designated by law Executive Decree and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Government Counsel, only, for his defence.

Amendment VII

In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law. The ancient and oppressive rules known as the Common Law are hereby abolished and shall be neither used, cited nor otherwise relied upon in any context.

Amendment VIII

Excessive Unfair bail shall not be required, nor excessive unfair fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual unfair punishments inflicted. Provided, however, that any determination that bail is unfair or that unfair punishments are involved shall be within the sole discretion of counsel for the prosecution, subject to such Federal oversight as the Attorney General of the United States may deem appropriate.

Amendment IX

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights privileges, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people as provided in Federal Law or by Executive Decree.

Amendment X

The powers, if any, not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved exclusively to the United States respectively, or to the people.

Our Beloved President expressed absolute confidence that these immediate changes to the long outdated and patently racist Bill of Rights will be accepted by His loyal subjects with overwhelming praise for his enlightened wisdom, empathy and fairness. By further executive decree, all prekindergarten through post-graduate school teachers will be required to explain His minor changes to their students in language easy for them to understand and therefore to accept unreservedly and with great pleasure.


Editor’s Comment:

I am shocked, absolutely shocked, that our loving President by the Grace of Allah Gaia, Obama, would leave it up to Senator Librul to announce these salutary changes, modest though they may be, to His people. Clearly, it will be the crowning achievement of his posthistoric presidency.

Here is a photo of Senator Reid, former Speaker of the House Pelosi and President Obama immediately after the meeting.

Reid, Pelosi and Obama

Tip ‘o the hat to Madd Medic.

Here is a recent photo of a few of President Obama’s many supporters in Cairo cheering his new Executive Decree.

Obama supporters in Cairo

About danmillerinpanama

I was graduated from Yale University in 1963 with a B.A. in economics and from the University of Virginia School of law, where I was the notes editor of the Virginia Law Review in 1966. Following four years of active duty with the Army JAG Corps, with two tours in Korea, I entered private practice in Washington, D.C. specializing in communications law. I retired in 1996 to sail with my wife, Jeanie, on our sailboat Namaste to and in the Caribbean. In 2002, we settled in the Republic of Panama and live in a very rural area up in the mountains. I have contributed to Pajamas Media and Pajamas Tatler. In addition to my own blog, Dan Miller in Panama, I an an editor of Warsclerotic and contribute to China Daily Mail when I have something to write about North Korea.
This entry was posted in 2014, 2016, 2016 Obama's America, Abuse of Power, Bill of Rights, Constitution, Egypt, Executive Decree, Government reliance, Humor, Obama, Satire, Unicorns, United States and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Bill of Rights Amended by Executive Decree

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  9. geneb527 says:

    Reblogged this on Political Musings-At the Sunset of My Life and commented:
    Never thought we would have a Muslim dictator for a president but we sure do!!!!!

  10. geneb527 says:

    Never thought we would have a Muslim dictator for a president, but we do!!!!

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  13. Tom Carter says:

    Looks like somebody has been imbibing too much Devil Rum … which, come to think of it, should be provided free to members of Congress. Couldn’t hurt….

  14. Chuck Ring says:

    Reblogged this on Gadaboutblogalot's Blog and commented:
    Thanks for this. I will reblog

  15. Pingback: Bill of Rights Amended by Executive Decree - US Message Board - Political Discussion Forum

  16. Tex says:

    You have insulted jackasses all over the world.

    • For which I offer my most humble and sincere apologies. In Jackass language, I suppose that should be, “Braaaay, Braaay.” If that’s not correct, I again apologize.

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