Our CongressCritters work too hard, sacrificing time and other resources they need to raise funds and to campaign for perpetual reelection. Here is the solution. It may be the last, and the shortest, piece of legislation enacted in recent memory or in the future. It will be truly historic.
Comprehensive legislation is a, if not the, current librul demand. We have had comprehensive health care reform — an historic accomplishment that managed to be simultaenously comprehensive and incomprehensible. It had to be passed so that we could find out what was in it. We are still learning what it means, as various regulatory entities and the President change it, regardless of whether such changes are permitted by statute.
Libruls have been demanding comprehensive immigration reform which, if passed, is likely to have the same “advantages.” In an article titled A Modest Proposal for Really Comprehensive Legislation, I offered a few suggestions. I now see the errors of my ways. My earlier proposal would have reduced the current legislative process slightly further into absurdity than it had already sunk, while retaining the illusion that our CongressCritters might be doing something (we rarely know what) useful. The best and last thing that the Congress should do is to pass the legislation offered here. Although my proposed legislation is short and easily understood, it nevertheless preserves — and indeed enhances — the opportunity for surprise when subsequent legislative actions are taken. I have even saved our busy CongressCritters and their overworked staffs the burden of writing it.
Act to Promote Governmental Efficiency.
Be it hereby enacted that all legislative powers (hereinafter “Legislative Powers”) and functions (hereinafter “Functions”) of the Congress of the United States (hereinafter “Congress”) are hereby delegated to the President of the United States (hereinafter “The President”), Executive Departments (hereinafter “Departments”), Administrative Agencies (hereinafter “Agencies”) and Commissions (hereinafter “Commissions”), respectively, identified in the Appendix (“Appendix”) hereto.
Section 1– Preamble
The President, Departments, heads (hereinafter “Heads”) of such Departments, Administrations, administrators (hereinafter “Administrators”) of such Agencies Commissions and Chairpersons (hereinafter “Chairpersons”) of such Commissions are hereby granted absolute authority as specified herein.
Section 2 — Authority granted
Immediately upon enactment of this legislation and its signature by The President, The President, all Departments, Agencies and the Heads thereof and the Commissions and the Chairpersons thereof are hereby empowered to promulgate such new Executive decrees (hereinafter “Decrees”), regulations (hereinafter “Regulations”) and directives (hereinafter “Directives”), and to modify such existing Directives (hereinafter also “Directives”), existing Regulations (also hereinafter “Regulations”) and existing Decrees (also hereinafter “Decrees) as they deem necessary or useful to carry out the functions of their respective Departments, Agencies, Commissions and/or Presidency or which will, in their sole opinions, best serve the interests of the United States of America (Hereinafter “United States”).
The terms “Agencies,” “Departments” and “Commissions” shall include the Heads and Commissioners, as the case may be, of each and any action taken unilaterally by such Head or Commissioner shall be deemed an action of such Department, Agency or Commission.
Section 3 — Effective date of such Regulations and Directives
All Decrees, Regulations and Directives promulgated pursuant hereto shall become effective immediately upon promulgation (hereinafter “Promulgation”) thereof.
Section 4 — Public Notice
All requirements that Directives, Regulations and Decrees be published in the Federal Register or elsewhere are hereby repealed. All requirements that public comment (hereinafter “Public Comment”) be sought with respect thereto are also hereby repealed.
Section 5 — Federal Court Jurisdiction
No court created or authorized pursuant to Section III of the United States Constitution (hereinafter “Federal Court”), and no State or other non-Federal court (hereinafter “Other Court) within the United States shall have jurisdiction (hereinafter “Jurisdiction”) to consider:
1. Any matter addressed herein;
2. Any action taken, or not taken, by the President, any Department, Agency or Commission pursuant hereto, or
3. Any matter arising under any Decree, Regulation or Directive promulgated pursuant hereto.
Section 6 — Repeal or Modification
This enactment shall not be repealed or modified in any respect other than by unanimous consent of the President and all members of the Congress.
Section 7 — Recess
Upon enactment of this legislation, the Congress shall adjourn sine die, subject only to the recall at the pleasure of the President or His authorized representative (hereinafter “Representative”).
Section 8 — A day of Celebration
The date on which The President signs this legislation into law is hereby declared to be, in perpetuity, a day of mandatory public celebration throughout the United States. Failure to participate in such mandatory celebrations shall constitute a felony, punishable by no less than two (2) years at hard labor in a Federal Penitentiary.
Any protest against the mandatory day of celebration shall constitute the crime of treason, punishable as then currently prescribed by law.
Section 9 — Good by, suckers
Can we do this? Si, Se Puede! Constitution? What Constitution. We just managed to repeal it! See ya when we want contributions or votes, suckers. Got a problem? Take it up with this guy:
All hail The King. Long may He reign over us.