Breaking news from Germany necessitated the cancellation of most of President Obama’s anxiously awaited bipartisan State of the Onion Address.
According to an article titled Flatulent cows start fire at German dairy farm – police,
BERLIN (Reuters) – Methane gas from 90 flatulent cows exploded in a German farm shed on Monday, damaging the roof and injuring one of the animals, police said.
High levels of the gas had built up in the structure in the central German town of Rasdorf, then “a static electric charge caused the gas to explode with flashes of flames,” the force said in a statement.
One cow was treated for burns, a police spokesman added.
Cows in mourning
Due to the critical nature of the disaster — seriously impacting President Obama’s already strained relations with Germany — He was whisked immediately back to the White House to deal with the developing situation in consultation with His national security advisers. As Secret Service agents carried Him away, He was heard to scream
I have a pen and know how to use it!
Full speed ahead!
I’ll regulate everything!
I shall overcome!
Down with Israel!
Up with Iran!
PETA has demanded that President Obama immediately sever all relations with Germany until she enforces mandates that all cows have healthy diets and the affordable veterinary care they deserve and can afford. Scientists Against Gas (SAG) stated that all gasses seriously and uniquely endanger Mother Gaia and demanded that they be prohibited immediately by Executive Decree.
Unfortunately, President Obama had no choice but to cancel the rest of his address, the next part of which was to deal with the current situation in Egypt where
Mohammed Morsi, the Muslim Brotherhood’s former president of Egypt, threw quite a tantrum at his court appearance when he was put into a soundproof glass cage and told that he would not be allowed to address the court unless he raised his hand.
Every dictator fears ending up where Morsi is now and unlike Mussolini, Morsi had a much shorter run going from prison to power and back to prison in only a few years. [Emphasis added.]
This time he’s on trial for breaking out of prison, though the AP, like most media outlets, carefully avoids mentioning the charges.
NOTE: As of January 30th, the video is no longer available. This appears instead:
“This video is no longer available because the YouTube account associated with this video has been terminated.” Oh well.
A highly reliable White House confidential informant has advised that just as the unanticipated interruption prevented President Obama from continuing, He was about to demand termination of Morsi’s trial, release from prison and reinstatement as President of Egypt. Then, He had intended to proclaim His historic successes with the Affordable Care Act and His enlightened foreign policy initiatives, which will bring peace and prosperity to the entire Middle East despite Israeli petulance. Alas, He didn’t get that far. Perhaps He will have another opportunity.
If anyone is interested in a serious analysis of President Obama’s SOTU re foreign policy and particularly Iran, here’s a link to a good article at PJ Tatler titled Obama’s SOTU Remarks and Iran’s Negotiations Jihad.