President Obama to initiate Alaska – Russia peace process

This is another “rum enhanced special report” of the sort offered when there’s nothing new and interesting not already covered
widely and/or deeply elsewhere.
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Having shown remarkable success in the Israel – Palestinian peace process and in the P5+1 nuke process with Iran, Secretary Kerry will lead Alaska and Russia out of darkness and into the light before there is more violence. President Obama will have Secretary Kerry’s back

Obama did WHAT?

Incredible numbers of Alaskans have already petitioned the White House to return Alaska to Russia.

A petition that seeks to put Alaska back under Russian control has garnered more than 18,000 signatures in just a few days — about a fifth of what’s needed to capture a formal White House look.

Eighteen thousand equals 2.5 percent of the State’s 2013 population, estimated at 731,449 — making Alaska the forty-ninth most populated State in all fifty-seven. Alaska residents are also the smartest:

The population density of the state is 1.26 people per square mile, ranked the smallest density in the United States.The population density of the state is 1.26 people per square mile, ranked the least dense smallest density in the United States.

Many petitions have been filed with the White House, including one signed by 1776 Texas residents demanding that President Obama be crowned King of the Universe and transported immediately to His new Royal Palace on Jupiter. However, the Alaska petition is far more serious and only President Obama’s unmatched intellectual and legal skills, coupled with His exceptional moral leadership and unique understanding of the complex motivations of foreign leaders, can deal with it.

Deal with it He shall.

President Obama intends to respond forcefully, producing yet another of His many foreign policy successes of which preventing Iran from having or getting nukes is only one of many examples.

Moving forward quickly because We Can’t Wait, He is already seeking a suitable mediator to help Secretary Kerry. He has asked that ACORN (or one of its many affiliates) volunteer and hopes that the intervention will be as successful as has been that of the Arab League in moving the crucial Israel – Palestinian disputes along fairly and equitably.

Should the peace process stall unexpectedly, President Obama intends to summon Vladimir Putin, the President of a weak regional power, and Sean Parnell, the current (Republican) Governor of Alaska, for meetings at the White House. He expects them to appear promptly if, as and when contacted. If they don’t, He may be forced to use an Executive Decree to return Alaska to Russia without consultation.

UPDATE:

Hat tip to Power Line.