The gala event will take place following the successful conclusion
of P5 + 1 Iranian nukes for peace process.
This report is based on information provided by my confidential White House informant, the Really Honorable I. M. Totus, Teleprompter of the United States. He stated that President Obama will hold the fundraiser despite his (Mr. Totus’) expressions of concern that acceptance of traceable foreign contributions might be unlawful. President Obama responded to those petty quibbles as follows:
The greatest and most important security interest of My nation now lies in having My party strong and abundantly funded by rebates from sanctions relief. It’s the fair, common sense way to go.
He giggled simultaneously.
Holding the fundraiser depends on a successful conclusion of the P5 + 1 negotiations permitting Iran to continue its moderate development and construction of nuclear weapons for self-defense against Israel and any other ridiculously aggressive nations. Accordingly, President Obama has been pushing the process with a degree of vigor normally reserved for attacks on climate change deniers and any remaining racist Republicans,
KKK members Tea Party Terrorists all.
Hoping to entice numerous affluent Iranian civil servants and other prominent business celebrities to attend His fundraiser, President Obama will also soon commit His military to assisting Iranian anti-terrorist forces in Iraq. He resolved to do so upon learning of this statement by the Chief of Staff of the Iranian Armed Forces: [Note: this quote is not satire.]
TEHRAN (Tasnim) – The Chief of Staff of the Iranian Armed Forces Major General Hassan Firuzabadi described the creation of ISIL terrorist group as an Israeli plot to make a safe zone for the Zionists and keep the revolutionary forces away from the occupied lands.
Expressing equally strong disapproval of all Zionist plots (except grave plots), whether in the occupied lands or elsewhere, President Obama told Mr. Totus of his great happiness upon learning of the perceptiveness and accuracy of General Firuzabadi’s remarks. He will henceforth place unbounded trust in whatever General Firuzabadi and other consistently knowledgeable Iranians may say — subject only to verification by His league of Experts
stationed in His echo chamber. President Obama further observed that if He had a son he hoped that he would look a lot like General Firuzabadi.
President Obama declined to comment on a report in the Daily Beast that
President Obama is repositioning military assets closer to Iraq, in case he wants to strike at the terrorists that are threatening to tear the country apart. The problem is, the U.S. doesn’t know who it’s supposed to hit. [Emphasis added.]
. . . .
[T]he American intelligence community is only now scrambling to draw up a potential target list in Iraq, and possibly Syria—even though the threat of ISIS has been visibly growing for years.
. . . .
Current and retired American defense and intelligence officials tell The Daily Beast that the CIA and the Pentagon are not certain who exactly makes up the forces that have taken so much of Iraq. [Emphasis added.]
Despite His understandable reluctance to comment, President Obama clearly faces such difficulties and needs to rely on His substantially better informed Iranian allies than on His own
blinded U.S. military and other intelligence sources.
In related news President Obama, in His capacity as Commander in Chief of the United States of Obama, issued an Executive Decree modifying His Humanitarian Exceptionalism Rules of Engagement (HEROs) by exempting U.S. forces engaged in kinetic actions to assist Iranian forces from them and by requiring that, in rendering such help to Iran, they obey and enforce Iranian ROEs strictly.
President Obama explained to Mr. Totus,
In Iraq, We and Iran are a great team forced to confront really nasty people, unlike other situations elsewhere to which My HEROs applied. We must join with our Iranian brothers in opposing them with the same gentle respect universally shown by Iran in dealing with all of her vile enemies.
President Obama then visited a Common Corpse classroom to tell students about a few of His most recent foreign policy triumphs.
UPDATE, June 18th:
Michael Ledeen, in a PJ Media article titled Why It’s Foolish to Expect Real Cooperation with Iran, notes and asks:
It is folly to expect real cooperation from the Iranians. They think they are winning on every front (they aren’t; they are at mortal risk from their own citizens), and that Obama will never do anything to thwart them (this rings true). So they won’t do anything to improve our standing or national security. They will just continue to work for our destruction and domination. [Emphasis added.]
Why does this appeal so much to the Obama administration?
Perhaps this article provides at least clue to finding an answer to Mr. Ledeen’s question:
A top Iranian official said Wednesday that Tehran could consider working with the United States over the crisis in Iraq if talks on its nuclear programme are successful.
“Successful,” of course, means Iran getting everything she seeks which the P5 + 1 negotiators have not already given her. The principal current point of contention seems to be the number of centrifuges she will be
permitted authorized to continue to operate. President Obama needs a transitory foreign policy “victory” capable of being spun successfully until after the November U.S. elections. He may grab at that straw. Caving in more than He already has on “moderate” Iran’s nukes for a very temporary peace could give Him the transitory foreign policy victory He so badly needs.